Think you know about self care?
What does it mean it to you? A spa weekend and some retail therapy or is it the simpler (but not easier) things like monitoring your self talk or looking at why you find it so hard to take care of yourself?
What forms does self care take? And why is it hard for some people?
The more I understand about self care, the more I have come to appreciate that people are very different.
Probably due to early conditioning, at one extreme there are people who only know how to be self critical. Possibly they grew up with a lot of critisism, or parents with low self esteem. They don’t feel worthy of anything better and this continual harsh self talk only serves to do more harm. “What would you tell yourself if you were your own best friend?”, I often say. Sometimes we need to be the nurturing mother that we never had.
Others who find it easier to love themselves and show themselves kindness and compassion tend to be better not only at identifying what they need, but prioritising those things. They consider their physical, emotional and mental well-being, to be of paramount importance, and they take the time and invest the money in that. They feel worthy of self love.
The role of Craniosacral Therapy in self care
When people first come to see me, they can be at various stages of connection, grounding, resource and ability to process trauma. Craniosacral Therapy is the best way I know to meet your system where it is at and to gain a better understanding of what it is that you need. You are likely to become more and more aware of what your needs are as your treatment program progresses (i.e. your self awareness will improve).
My role is to support you in this process. I will listen to your system (with my hands). Your system knows what it needs and I will follow your body’s own inherent treatment plan, in order for you to move closer to health.
What are your reasons for seeking help….?
How self-care got me to my first ever 5k at 46 years old!
Anyone who knows me well, would tell you that I’ve never been a runner. I’ve been a wanna-be runner.
My dad ran marathons into his late 70s (he used to get automatic entry into the London marathon, his time was so good).I’ve tried to get into running several times over the last 4 or 5 years and never got very far. I even had a personal trainer at one point. Seriously, every time I tried, I’d either get injured or ill and had to stop. It was crazy. I came to the realisation that, for some reason that I didn’t understand, I would never be able to do it.
However, in recent months, I had been paying more attention to the fact that generally in life, I have always been pretty hard on myself and getting a better understanding of that. How, being driven, determined, and focused had served me well in life and got me through situations that otherwise I certainly would not have.
However, where was that nurturing mother part of me? I was super comfortable looking after others, in fact its probably my favourite thing to do(!), but looking after myself, hmm, I still find myself squirming slightly at the idea.
And in amongst this self reflection came a thought… what if all the struggle with running was down to my lack of self-care? That idea that I HAD to push myself, that I could succeed against any odds and didn’t need to go slowly (I must be fairly fit surely?!). What if that was the problem? How would it be to approach things as if I was being my own nurturing mother? The answer was, I realised, that I would follow a gentle program like ‘Couch to 5k’. To the letter. No skipping out the first three or four weeks, or skipping anything out in fact. Just….. going…. slowly. Then I’d really know if it was possible for me to run a 5k.
So I did. I started ‘Couch to 5k’ and I can honestly say that the hardest part for me was the going slow. Sticking rigidly to the program, arrggghh, so hard to do!! I had to getting back in touch with that nurturing mother part of me
But here I am, week 9 and running 5k, three times a week. I honestly cannot believe it! And what’s more I’m really enjoying it and whilst there’s that urge to push on and do more (surely 10k isn’t that much!?), I’m going easy on myself and sticking with this for now.
So, self care for me isn’t just about booking a spa weekend or treating yourself to something new, it starts with the way you talk yourself. And I challenge you to look at that very seriously. Just observe and then ask yourself what you would be saying if you were own nurturing mother? For me its an ongoing process, but one which I know will be good for me and it is likely to be good for you too.
There are many facets to Craniosacral Therapy, but my favourite and by far the most profound is that of dynamic stillness. Nearly all of you who have been me for therapy will have some understanding and experience of this. So what does it mean to you? Why am I always banging on about it? What is it exactly and why does it matter?
I like this description of Michael Kern’s from his book, Wisdom In The Body…..
“Dynamic stillness can be experienced as something that is universal, beyond the duality of subject or object. It has no defining characteristics or qualities, as it is the realm of our pure unfabricated nature. Consequently there are no words on concepts that can adequately describe it. At this level of our being there is no inertia and no conditioning, just the presence of peace, luminosity and stillness. It may be perceived as a sense of Grace. When we emerge from this experience, something has changed – for we never come out the same way that we went in. We become touched by our deepest nature.”
Some people will simply experience stillness simply as a sense of calm (usually unlike anything they have experienced before). We all need to be able to access a still place. It is essential to health (of mind, body and spirit). It can be tricky to access, particularly when the system is overwhelmed or dissociated. However, I often view stillness as the gateway to everything because once a client’s system is shown how to access stillness, big changes tend to take place. The resources of the system build too. Michael Kern talks of the 7 different levels of stillness and how each level “brings a settling of some further aspect of our life process“.
“It is the stillness of the Tide, not the stormy waves that bounce upon the shore that has the potency, the power.” William Sutherland.
My experience also is that once the system gets practiced at accessing stillness, clients report that they are better able to access a calm place at other points in time and that they are coping better with life, feeling less stressed, anxiety lifts, they sleep better and so on – see why I love it so much!!
The subject of pain is a HUGE one and deserves much more time and space than I have here, but I will do my best to cover the key points.
We all know what pain is like, but to clarify…. acute pain is short lived, the term chronic pain is used when pain has lasted for 3-6 months or more.
In a Lancet study carried out in 2014 (Michaleff et al), it was found that reading about how pain works for 30 months plus two telephone conversations, worked as well as twenty, yes TWENTY sessions of physiotherapy!!! Therefore, understanding how pain works is key to recovering from it.
So here, and in my clinic, I teach people why they still have pain and help them out of it.
Its important to recognise that initial pain is often an indicator of danger. It tells us to react and can save us from further injury or death e.g. if your finger is burning on the oven for example, you will automatically withdraw your hand from the heat (without even thinking). When we have just injured our back, pain is helpful, because it warns us against further injury.
However (and this is the important bit) what we now know, is that after 3-6 months, pain is rarely in the tissues but in our nervous system. That is, pain has caused our nervous system to change. Our nervous system has become too sensitive!
“Sensitization means we turn the volume up on our alarm system, but are very poor at turning the volume down.’, Steve Haines, Pain Is Really Strange.
The medical profession used to believe that chronic pain was held in the tissues of the body, now we know that it rarely is. The answer to resolving the pain issue is to show the system how to down-regulate / desensitize / ‘turn the volume down’.
I should also say at this point that unresolved emotional trauma is held in the physiology and in the limbic system, not the cognitive (thinking part of the brain) as previously thought. It often shows itself as physical pain. So whilst we may be looking for the cause of our pain by having MRI scans for example, there may well not be a structural cause.
So…..hopefully all of this goes some way to explain why Craniosacral Therapy (in my experience) is so effective in terms of reducing or eliminating pain from the body.
I could go and on about this subject, but I am passionate about helping people with pain. The people I see in my clinic have often been in pain for decades. They may have limited mobility and their quality of life / ability to work may be seriously affected.
In a treatment, we find that the body has it’s own sense of priority. Number one is showing the system what safety is, this may be something which is a new experience, but is it key to everything else. We then teach the system to notice sensations other than the pain. This is all HUGE in terms of down-regulating the nervous system (turning the volume down).
Gradually, trauma, whether that be physical or emotional will come to the surface and release and the pain gets less or goes. This is an amazing experience for someone when the pain has been there for a long time!
So, hopefully that gives you a brief summary of why I see so many people’s pain levels reduce or disappear. These steps seem counter-intuitive I know and how can something so simple be so effective?? If you would like to understand more or see if this therapy can help you, please do get in touch.