Think you know about self care?
What does it mean it to you? A spa weekend and some retail therapy or is it the simpler (but not easier) things like monitoring your self talk or looking at why you find it so hard to take care of yourself?
What forms does self care take? And why is it hard for some people?
The more I understand about self care, the more I have come to appreciate that people are very different.
Probably due to early conditioning, at one extreme there are people who only know how to be self critical. Possibly they grew up with a lot of critisism, or parents with low self esteem. They don’t feel worthy of anything better and this continual harsh self talk only serves to do more harm. “What would you tell yourself if you were your own best friend?”, I often say. Sometimes we need to be the nurturing mother that we never had.
Others who find it easier to love themselves and show themselves kindness and compassion tend to be better not only at identifying what they need, but prioritising those things. They consider their physical, emotional and mental well-being, to be of paramount importance, and they take the time and invest the money in that. They feel worthy of self love.
The role of Craniosacral Therapy in self care
When people first come to see me, they can be at various stages of connection, grounding, resource and ability to process trauma. Craniosacral Therapy is the best way I know to meet your system where it is at and to gain a better understanding of what it is that you need. You are likely to become more and more aware of what your needs are as your treatment program progresses (i.e. your self awareness will improve).
My role is to support you in this process. I will listen to your system (with my hands). Your system knows what it needs and I will follow your body’s own inherent treatment plan, in order for you to move closer to health.
What are your reasons for seeking help….?
How self-care got me to my first ever 5k at 46 years old!
Anyone who knows me well, would tell you that I’ve never been a runner. I’ve been a wanna-be runner.
My dad ran marathons into his late 70s (he used to get automatic entry into the London marathon, his time was so good).I’ve tried to get into running several times over the last 4 or 5 years and never got very far. I even had a personal trainer at one point. Seriously, every time I tried, I’d either get injured or ill and had to stop. It was crazy. I came to the realisation that, for some reason that I didn’t understand, I would never be able to do it.
However, in recent months, I had been paying more attention to the fact that generally in life, I have always been pretty hard on myself and getting a better understanding of that. How, being driven, determined, and focused had served me well in life and got me through situations that otherwise I certainly would not have.
However, where was that nurturing mother part of me? I was super comfortable looking after others, in fact its probably my favourite thing to do(!), but looking after myself, hmm, I still find myself squirming slightly at the idea.
And in amongst this self reflection came a thought… what if all the struggle with running was down to my lack of self-care? That idea that I HAD to push myself, that I could succeed against any odds and didn’t need to go slowly (I must be fairly fit surely?!). What if that was the problem? How would it be to approach things as if I was being my own nurturing mother? The answer was, I realised, that I would follow a gentle program like ‘Couch to 5k’. To the letter. No skipping out the first three or four weeks, or skipping anything out in fact. Just….. going…. slowly. Then I’d really know if it was possible for me to run a 5k.
So I did. I started ‘Couch to 5k’ and I can honestly say that the hardest part for me was the going slow. Sticking rigidly to the program, arrggghh, so hard to do!! I had to getting back in touch with that nurturing mother part of me
But here I am, week 9 and running 5k, three times a week. I honestly cannot believe it! And what’s more I’m really enjoying it and whilst there’s that urge to push on and do more (surely 10k isn’t that much!?), I’m going easy on myself and sticking with this for now.
So, self care for me isn’t just about booking a spa weekend or treating yourself to something new, it starts with the way you talk yourself. And I challenge you to look at that very seriously. Just observe and then ask yourself what you would be saying if you were own nurturing mother? For me its an ongoing process, but one which I know will be good for me and it is likely to be good for you too.
1) What conditions does Craniosacral Therapy (CST) help with?
The effects of CST are far reaching, so it would be impossible to draw up an exhaustive list of symptoms than can be helped by CST. However, to summarise, I specialise in the following three areas:
Stress and Anxiety. Craniosacral Therapy is unique in its ability to treat the source of symptoms on every level, mental, physical or emotional. Letting go of tension and fear held in the body enables it to settle into calmness.
Pain Management. People may come for Craniosacral Therapy because they have acute physical symptoms like headaches or back pain, or long standing issues with pain.
Babies & Children. Craniosacral Therapy can offer support for colic, reflux, sleeplessness, irritability in babies and many common behavioural, social and learning difficulties in children respond well
2) There’s nothing actually ‘wrong’, can I still come along for a session?
There doesn’t need to be anything ‘wrong’ as such for you to benefit from a session. Many people use it simply to maintain their sense of well being and calm. I actually still have regular sessions myself for this reason.
3) So how does CST actually WORK?
It took me 3 years to train in CST. It works on many different levels and different approaches are used depending on the needs of the individual. To summarise:
“Craniosacral Therapy is a subtle yet profound and powerful hands-on technique, developed from osteopathy, which identifies pain and tensions held in the body. It supports the body’s natural tendency to find health and optimum balance by relieving the body of these restrictions and allowing it to realign. Craniosacral Therapy can often effect structural change, but also has much wider implications, both physically and psychologically. Craniosacral Therapists are trained to feel motions in the body which are more subtle than the heart beat and lung breathing that we are all familiar with.”
The best way of understanding the treatment is to experience it yourself. You don’t have to believe its going to work for it to work and you certainly don’t have to understand how it works for it to work. But it does take at least a little bit of hope on the part of the client (I always have hope).
4) I’ve had this insomnia / back pain / depression for 20 years. Can you resolve it in one session?
I have actually had people ask me this. One lady even said that even though there wasn’t a doctor in the land who could help her, she still expected me to resolve her long standing symptoms in one session!
It’s only right that I manage people’s expectations the best that I can. Generally speaking, fresh / recent trauma / restriction in the body tends to resolve very quickly (new born babies suffering with birth trauma are a good example of this). When symptoms have been there for decades (or the tension has been gradually building over this time), it’s likely that it will take longer to resolve. I usually recommend a short course of treatments (maybe 5 or 6) and then a review to see how much progress has been made.
It is true to say also that there might be other issues that your system needs to resolve before the specific issue that you want me to address is able to come to the fore (that is, your body has its own sense of priority and since I am working with your body’s own innate ability to heal itself, the ‘inherent treatment plan’ of your body will dictate the order of things).
Amazing things happen in my clinic but I am not a magician!
5) So……what are you actually DOING?
This is a question I often get asked either when someone is watching someone else have a treatment or when they are having a treatment themselves but have not been able to ‘feel’ much changing.
In Biodynamic Craniosacral Therapy (CST), there will be no physical manipulation ever. I am working at a much deeper, more fundamental level. For various reasons, some people are able to notice a lot of the changes that are happening in their body during a session and some will notice fewer or maybe even none (this does not mean that nothing is happening!).
Somebody watching a session may observe jerky movements, changes in the clients breathing, movement and so on but obviously they will not see all of the changes that are happening inside the body (again this does mean that nothing is happening!).
If you want someone to ‘click’, ‘crunch’ or otherwise manipulate your body you need to seek a different kind of therapy!
6) Are you being honest with me (Will you tell me that I need more sessions than I actually do for example)?
One of the reasons that my practice is a successful one is because I get good results. Another is that I take pride in running it with honesty and integrity. I have a firm belief that a therapeutic relationship built on mutual trust and respect gives you the best chance of getting the results that you want.
This said, I cannot fix everything for everyone! I also cannot guarantee in advance how your system will respond to treatment. However, I am a highly experienced practitioner and my advice to you will be based upon the successes that I have seen in the past. I know what tends to work best and I will be honest with you about how I think we can achieve the best results possible. We will discuss this in order to ensure that your treatment plan is a good fit for you.
7) Can something so gentle make me better?
YES! I am working with your body’s innate ability to heal itself. I will be listening with my hands to what your body needs and facilitating the process of release and restoration. When we are working at the level of the mid-tide, changes are gentle but profound.
8) Can CST work even when many other avenues can be exhausted and the doctor says nothing can be done or that my condition will only get worse as the years progress?
That is very possible yes, I have seen it many many times!
9) How long have you been practising for / how well qualified are you?
I graduated from the Craniosacral Therapy Education Trust (CTET) in 2011 after a three year training. For over two years, I have worked as a tutor in CTET’s teaching clinic, supporting final year students. My practice is very busy. I will soon be qualified to work as a supervisor (mentor) to other CSTs.
10) I’m sure I must be the worst case you’ve ever seen?
People say this a lot. There can be a lot of shame and embarrassment over our condition. Rest assured that I have worked with a lot of trauma (military, road traffic accidents, abuse, violence, the list goes on). I am not here to judge you or your situation. I am here to create a safe, listening, neutral and supported space for your system to express what is going on and then I will facilitate the processes that need to take place in order for you to recover, at a pace that feels okay for you. You are getting help and that is what’s important.
11) Your life must be really perfect! / You must be really sorted!?
Often people see their practitioner as being someone who is ‘shiny’; someone who sets a good example and they assume that the practitioner must have a pretty perfect life. Typical things that people often assume about me are that: I am vegetarian (probably vegan), that I meditate daily, that I have a VERY happy marriage, that I never shout, that my children are completely zen, that I am super healthy and fit, that I never take prescription drugs and that I probably don’t drink. It is true to say that my focus is very much on my own health first (otherwise how can I help anyone else), but I am far from perfect.
Honestly, I am on a journey just like you are. I have suffered a fair few traumas in my life, more than I care to recall. I have a belief that often therapists are people who have ‘been through the mill’ themselves. Hence why you tend not to get therapists in their 20s. I have worked very very hard on myself over the years (receiving CST has been a big part of that but not all by any means) and I will continue to do that always. Not because I aspire to be shiny, but because I know I still have a lot of growing to do and growth brings me better health, a better understanding of myself and others and the result of that is that I feel happier, make wiser decisions and I enjoy life more – yay!
There are many facets to Craniosacral Therapy, but my favourite and by far the most profound is that of dynamic stillness. Nearly all of you who have been me for therapy will have some understanding and experience of this. So what does it mean to you? Why am I always banging on about it? What is it exactly and why does it matter?
I like this description of Michael Kern’s from his book, Wisdom In The Body…..
“Dynamic stillness can be experienced as something that is universal, beyond the duality of subject or object. It has no defining characteristics or qualities, as it is the realm of our pure unfabricated nature. Consequently there are no words on concepts that can adequately describe it. At this level of our being there is no inertia and no conditioning, just the presence of peace, luminosity and stillness. It may be perceived as a sense of Grace. When we emerge from this experience, something has changed – for we never come out the same way that we went in. We become touched by our deepest nature.”
Some people will simply experience stillness simply as a sense of calm (usually unlike anything they have experienced before). We all need to be able to access a still place. It is essential to health (of mind, body and spirit). It can be tricky to access, particularly when the system is overwhelmed or dissociated. However, I often view stillness as the gateway to everything because once a client’s system is shown how to access stillness, big changes tend to take place. The resources of the system build too. Michael Kern talks of the 7 different levels of stillness and how each level “brings a settling of some further aspect of our life process“.
“It is the stillness of the Tide, not the stormy waves that bounce upon the shore that has the potency, the power.” William Sutherland.
My experience also is that once the system gets practiced at accessing stillness, clients report that they are better able to access a calm place at other points in time and that they are coping better with life, feeling less stressed, anxiety lifts, they sleep better and so on – see why I love it so much!!
Resources why do they matter – a little test for you ……
I have been working as a Craniosacral Therapist for about 7 years now and I have learnt many things along the way. One of the main things I have discovered, is that some people are more likely to suffer ill health than others.
There are many factors that can predispose us to disease, of course. But what I see time and time again, is that people who are suffering ill health, pain, depression are under-resourced. When we are under resourced, we have few coping strategies and we struggle more with life’s challenges. We neglect ourselves, year after year, often putting other people’s needs before our own. We just carry on and on and on, ignoring the signs (no time for that!) until our system, one way or the other, FORCES us to stop (pain, disease, depression etc take over) and we have no choice but to ask for help.
When we are well resourced, we are resilient, strong, feel supported and are far better equipped to cope with life’s stresses and problems. In a nutshell, we are less prone to disease.
There are many reasons why people become under-resourced. A Craniosacral Therapist can sense how well resourced your system is through touch and then they can work with your body to build the potency passing through it. That is one way to build up the resources within the system. There are also things that the patient can do, outside of the treatment room to help themselves.
Here comes the little test……..So how well resourced are YOU?
I encourage all my patients to write a list of 10 things that resource them. Go on, have a go. Your list is unique to you. There may be things on it which you are not able to do right now, but still, put them on if you consider that they would ‘feed your soul’. So, grab some paper and a pen and have a go before you read on (it works best this way)……
How did you get on? Did you get to 5? Over 10?
Often, simply putting our attention on that list is a useful exercise. It can really help us to focus on our own needs.
I find that well resourced people can write their list quickly and easily and could often write way more than 10 things down. These people are well aware of what they need to keep themselves well and they make their health a priority.
Whilst people who under-resourced either look at me blankly, or as if they think I am mad (new mums fall into the latter category – their focus is naturally on their young baby and they have little time for themselves), and they struggle to think of even two or three things that should be on their list. It may even take them a few days to get to 10.
If you are struggling, examples might be:
• Having a Craniosacral Therapy session
• Taking a walk in the woods
• Writing a diary
• A trip to the seaside
• Going out with friends
• Talking to your best friend
As I say, there is no right or wrong, everyone’s list is different.
More to the point, if you struggled with that exercise, how would it be for you to do something about it? This is YOUR life and it’s important that you enjoy it and stay as healthy as you can!
I’m too busy
If this is the case, please pause and take an honest look at your life and how you are living it. Do you want things to stay the same?
I need help!
I am offering free telephone consultations now! Do get in touch on 07956 390419 and you can tell me more about your situation and I will see if I can help you.